Because I actually made crab bee hoon!
CULINARY GODDESS HERE MADE CRAB BEE HOON.
Yup, like a total upgrade from baking. I mean who can't bake right? Measure a certain amount of flour, sift it, add a certain amount of sugar, butter yada yada and pop everything into the oven.
But crab bee hoon? Now we're talking.
So in my latest bid to *ahem* impress the husband that he totally made the right choice in marrying me (though I often tell him that I know he'd only picked me cause it's a cheaper option than getting a Russian mail-order bride wtf), I've decided to expand my repertoire to include proper cooking.
(Baking to him is NOT proper wtf.)
You should totally check out my latest Best of British Cookbook that the mother-in-law brought back from London for me - it says over 100 traditional recipes from full English breakfast to apple pie. First crab bee hoon, next scotch eggs, steak & kidney pies and summer fruit trifles, I'll totally be cooking for the Queen this time next year.
But first, I need to figure out how to kill a crab.
Apparently it's not as easy as it seems??? Like they don't come nicely chilled, packed and most importantly, DEAD when you get them from the market.
Typing "How to kill a crab" into Google does not yield the best results apparently... the wordy texts don't provide sufficient description (sorry lah I don't have a very good imagination) and the videos... I don't dare to watch. Some even include extremely gorish keywords like poking / chopsticks / stabbing / brutal murder.
(Fine, I might have exaggerated a little.)
So anyway my friends, after a very thorough 2 hour research, I've since discovered that the most humane manner to kill crustaceans (according to the Office International des Epizooties/World Organisation for Animal Health) is to chill them to 4 degrees celsius.
The crabs should be placed in a refrigerator or freezer at below 4 degrees celsius. Putting crabs in the freezer for two hours will generally kill most of them. It is best to lower the temperature slowly so that the shock does not cause them to suffer unnecessarily. The chill should be slow, and not inflicted on the crabs suddenly.
Crabs will generally be insensible by this time, and this can be ascertained by - tapping their shells to see if there are any eye reactions; - whether there is control over limb movements; - whether there is resistance to handling, especially in the tail or abdomen; - whether there is reaction around the mouth when it is touched.
At this point, the crab should be spiked through the brain with a sharp pointed tip. The insertion of a knife into the head of the animal will generally kill it, if it is not already dead.
Now, excuse me while I practise my curtsy.