Sorry guys, my life is a lie.
As you may already know, I was recently in Hong Kong and I think it must be the fake lashes and push up bra (plus Zach's wonderful photography skillz of course) but suddenly I had all these people texting me, "Hong Kong looks amazing!" / "You look so good!" / "OMG the food you had!!!" / "You must have shopped your heart out!"
Sorry to disappoint guys, but my entire life is a lie.
Not lie LIE per se in the sense that I tell you the food is OMFG AMAZEBALLS when it actually tastes like liver-flavored strawberries (or strawberry-flavored liver?) but unless you're Alessandra Ambrosio (aka the most beautiful woman on the planet), you do NOT cross the road looking like you just stepped out of Glamour magazine.
Like this shot? Well my friend, we had to cross the road FOUR times and what were we smiling at? Oh, I don't really know because it was a wall we were looking at.
So here's my non-Alessandra confession to What I Instagrammed vs What I REALLY did.
1) The happy explorer shot
What I Instagrammed: Off to explore the streets of Hong Kong! I also just conveniently stepped off the MTR looking like that!
What I REALLY did: I had to wait till all the passengers have dispersed before RUNNING into the frame to snap this shot before the next train arrives. (Why is the train frequency so much higher than Singapore's?!) Also, I'm wearing heels only cause I have a business meeting that morning. I'd much rather be in my Havaianas because OMFG we ended up having to climb this ridiculous flight of stairs...
THESE STAIRS. In 4-inch heels fml.
2) The cuppa in bed shot
What I Instagrammed: Here I am... enjoying my Nespresso-brewed cuppa in bed on a glorious Sunday. And like all Instagram-worthy shots, white sheets are a MUST.
What I REALLY did: My other hand was towering above my head like an orangutan... I was trying my best to maintain my balance... But I slipped and ended up spilling said freshly-brewed coffee all over the bed AND mattress protector.
3) The basic bitch froyo shot
What I Instagrammed: Because froyo #yolo wtf. Ice cream is so yesterday.
What I REALLY did: Notice that guy lurking in the background?
For every happy Instagram froyo shot, there's one angry husband who was made to stand far away so as to "don't block my photo".
4) The perfect selfie
What I Instagrammed: Hello world! It's a bright and sunny day! I look like that at 9am and I'm ready to take on the world! :muscle:
What I REALLY did: I had to snooze the alarm 891 times... Whyyyy do I have to get up so early on a SUNDAY? And I struggled so much with the fake lashes I ended up yanking out 9 strands of my REAL lashes. That seriously hurts. So fking much.
And that "perfect" selfie?
I took 63 shots just to get that one shot.
5) The Lonely Planet worthy tourist shot
What I Instagrammed: Here I am in a historic Chinese junk, sailing the seas at sunset and taking in all that marvelous sights and sounds.
What I REALLY did: The sights were marvelous indeed but the only reason why I'm sitting down is cause the wind's so strong that whenever I stand up, all the other 18 passengers on the junk have to see my undies double triple fml. Thank god I'm wearing my Calvins.
Don't get me wrong... I LOVE Instagram. It's where I get all my where-to-eat/ shop/ go recommendations and where I can shamelessly post my selfies HAHA but hey, just take whatever you see on social media with a (rather large) pinch of salt!
That, and to wear nice underwear when sailing on a Chinese junk.
(All photos via my lying Instagram account @floraisabelle)