Because marriage is not a bed of roses.
The boy and I will be turning THREE in June (OMG it's mad crazy how time flies!) and I still remember how I was fussing around the night before my wedding... about the non-existent crease on my dress, whether my bridesmaids know their duties, double and triple checking if the flowers are still alive and thinking "Wah I can't wait for this to finally be over" but seriously, the wedding is only the beginning.
"Experts" on the Internet say that the first year of marriage is usually the hardest... maybe it's true cause the boy and I fought SO MUCH in that 12 months that I think the most-searched term in my Google history is annulment (and how I can convince the courts that we didn't consummate our marriage wtf.)
Now that we are better (but far from good) and in retrospect, here are some things I wish I knew before I said 'I Do':
1. Marriage doesn’t change ANYTHING
We often think that things will somehow miraculously "be okay" once we marry, but truth is, we are who are and whether we have a ring on our finger or not, nothing's gonna change.
If she's a slob, your house is still going to look like a mess after marriage. He's definitely going to continue annoying you with his lousy jokes and have you rolling your eyes to high heavens. There is no way you can step into your marriage thinking that "he/ she will be a changed person" because it's just NOT going to happen.
Learn to accept your spouse for who they are - differences, shortcomings and all - (and how to pretend not to see the mess around the house) and remind yourself everyday what is it that made you fall for each other in the first place.
2. Sharing finances ain't easy
I always knew getting married would mean that we’d have to somehow end up putting our finances together. But honestly, it wasn’t easy for me to admit how much I spend on shopping every month. ("WTF DO YOU NEED 17 facial washes when you only have ONE face?!" #truestory)
My best advice is to start on this as early as you can.
Don’t wait until you’re married to talk about saving and how to split the bills. Start this as soon as you get engaged so that you both are on the same page or at least, work towards it. Money is strangely one of the hardest things to learn how to share and I have seen marriages break down because of money issues. One of you should be good with money - ideally, it's the both of you - but if one of you is an absolute bobo, then the other one will have to step up to the task of managing the household's finances.
3. You marry an entire family
Once you’re married, you end up marrying his/ her whole family too – whether you like it or not.
I live with my in-laws and luckily for me, I have a pretty good relationship with them.
You may or not have a similar relationship with your new family - heck, you might not even like them and I'm not saying you need to pretend to be on the set of Keeping Up with the Kardashians but accept that they are his/ her family despite the different values and put in some effort to try and know them better... and if you absolutely kennot, then talk it through with your partner properly so they don't feel like they are caught in a spot all the time.
4. Laugh together
I married the greatest comedian I know (have you seen some of the things he say?!) and no matter how miffed I get sometimes, he never fails to defuse the situation... with his very lame jokes most of the time wtf. I'll probably develop abs eventually from all that laughing lol.
Learn to laugh at the small things and work out the big things.
That being said, don't use humour to cover up other emotions. If your partner isn’t likely to appreciate the joke, or if you're using humour to mask anger, hurt, sarcasm or disappointment, then you really shouldn't make that joke.
5. Marriage is not a fairytale
You know all the Disney cartoons we grew up watching that ended with the prince and princess kissing and riding off into the sunset?
Well, in real life, IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
Marriage is a decision, not an accomplishment.
Just “being in love” isn’t enough. It's a constant work in progress... in fact there will be days that you feel that the supposed love doesn't even exist anymore. Looks will fade and you might even have someone richer/ hotter /younger entering your life but marriage is about making the CHOICE every single day to stick around through the good and bad... and choosing to go home to your spouse at the end of every day - no matter what.