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Sweet child of mine

10 months ago / being mommy

Me and my superhero last night.

If you've been following my Insta stories, you'd have seen tons of pictures/ videos of me being a human eucalyptus tree to my human koala. I might have mentioned it (can't remember - dang that pregnancy brain that never recovered!) but Nate might be a high need baby. I mean, unless he's been medically certified I can't say for sure that he is but every piece of literature I've read on the Internet seems to be his biography lol. Intense, draining, demanding, can't put baby down are just some of the everyday terms we use to describe him cause you know, fussy is too mild lol. We call him Mr Dinosaur because well, he certainly makes my house sound like Jurassic Park. (You can read more about high need babies here.)

Over the weekend, we brought him for his 4-month vaccines. To be honest, I LIKE bringing him out because it's as if he knows the difference between home and "outside" and he always puts on his best behaviour outside. He smiles at everyone - the random aunty in the lift, the nurses at the counters, the barista at Starbucks, aiya, such a charmer this one. And when he had his vaccine shots, he barely cried for 10 seconds before he resumed flashing his killer smile at his paed.

So anyway, we didn't expect him to get a fever this time round cause he didn't get any from his first month's. But I think he wasn't feeling too well so he slept a good 12 hours from 7pm to 7am (He usually does 8pm to 5am) and that might have led to some dehydration cause he had a pink spot in his diaper the next day. So me being me, started watching him like a hawk, taking him temperature every 30 mins lol and fed him as much as much as possible to hydrate him (without overfeeding lah of course).

Afraid to let another 12-hour sleep happen, I inevitably woke up every hour to check on him - not that I wanted to, but your body automatically does weird things once you push a mini human out wtf. Come 3am, I saw him sticking his fingers in his mouth (his first sign of hunger) but because he was sleeping so soundly, and also because I was REALLY very tired, I told myself that I would lie down for another 10 minutes before picking him up.

I ended up sleeping for one hour :sob:

And when I woke up, the poor boy was sleeping in his own pee (side sleeper, remember?) and was furiously sucking his fingers :sob:

I quickly changed him out and nursed him... but I'm not sure why I was so exhausted, I soon fell asleep whilst nursing. I remember jolting myself awake several times to see him just nursing quietly and there was once when I woke up, I saw that he had broken the latch and was just... looking up at me and smiling. I'm not sure how long had he been in that position cause usually when he's done, he would be screeching away (Mr Dinosaur lol) but it felt quite sweet lah, it's as if he understood that Mommy's tired.

I then put him upright so he could burp but instead of my usual prance-around-the-room fashion, the half-asleep me just sat in the armchair and he didn't fuss.. he just remained still for a good 10 minutes snuggled against my chest and staring at his very attractive Stokke crib wtf.

I don't remember if I heard him burp but needing sleep very badly (and with an incredible urge to pee), I just put him down on the bed and dashed to the bathroom. Now, the usual high-need Nathaniel would be screaming his head off but I came out of the bathroom to hear him cooing to himself and just being happy and... content?

We usually get him to sleep with an elaborate song and dance routine wtf but the very sleepy me decided to tell him that "Mommy's very tired" and "has no strength to carry you tonight" but "I will lie down next to you and pat your backside ok?" I'm not sure if he understood but the next thing he did was to stick his fingers in his mouth and tried to self-soothe himself to sleep :sob: :sob: :sob:

People often say (and according to what I've read) that babies don't form attachment till after 5 months so most of the time, I tend to feel that Nate and I don't really have a special connection yet. Especially since he is such a mega flirt and is happy with everyone and anyone carrying him, as long as he is being carried. Even when it comes to nursing, he's usually so angry (aircon too hot lah, position not high enough lah, too much light from the windows lah) that I have concluded that he sees me as just a wet nurse wtf.

But last night, it's almost like he's way wiser than 120 days old. And for that hour in the still of the night, it was just him and me against the world.

Maybe it's just him being groggy from the meds and I'm pretty sure he would resume his demanding behaviour once he wakes up but if you ask me, I would gladly take all that lost sleep, heartache and day-to-day insanity for moments like these.